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This entry comes courtesy of my friend PJ.  She posted it on facebook and was kind enough to allow a repost here.  Personally, this probably hits home a little more than I care to admit.

“easy does not enter into grown-up life.”

this is from one of my favorite movies (the weatherman), except it has never been one of my favorite quotes. probably because i prefer for things to be easy…and also i prefer to not be a grown-up.

i caught a little glimpse of reality today. this little glimpse told me that life is going to be hard. for an idealist, like myself, this is huge.

i see things how they are meant to be, how they should be, how i want them to be. the only challenges i face are in dealing with the discrepancies between reality and the ideal. but i always assume that one day, everything will end up just fine. when the idealistic dream comes true, i won’t be frustrated anymore. and then everything will be honky-dory…because that is the way things work.

it so happens that this is not the case. people are complicated. relationships are complicated. love and commitment are complicated. we are tainted and impure. hurtful. imperfect. messy.

messy is a good word.

i guess i’ve always been so idealistic that i’ve never been ok with messing up. i’ve always been pretty hard on myself and the people around me. i have never been one to hold people with different morals and beliefs to the same standards i hold myself to. but with people i’m really close to, who follow the same God i do…well, i’ve never been very comfortable with them making mistakes that really hurt people–whether it be themselves or the people around them. i am not saying that i am intolerant. i am just saying that i am uncomfortable. and i am not saying that i am uncomfortable only with other people. i am uncomfortable mostly with myself.

mistakes, shortcomings, and insecurities leave me squirming in my seat. i am always thinking “this is not the way it was supposed to be.” this not how God intended it. or…if i am being honest…this is not how i intended it. i intended for things to be more perfect. or maybe…just a little easier?

easy does not enter into grown-up life. “this is not the way it was supposed to be” becomes “this is the way it is.” life is not a math problem with a clear-cut solution, or simply waiting for a dream to come true. life is dirty. sometimes you have to dig through trash. sometimes diamonds need refining.

i need to learn that this is ok. that real people with real hearts are going to be messy. that things are not always going to make sense. they are going to be confusing. and hard. and i will have to work. and be hurt. and love. and disappoint others. and forgive. and disappoint God. and love some more. and not wait for some easy mess-free ending because sometimes the best things are raw.

raw is also a good word.

that is how i feel my life is. it’s not the ideal in waiting. it’s raw and it’s messy…right now. and it will be even more so in the future.

i can love fiercely and still be sick with hurt. i can hope like i have never hoped before and then be crushed at the thought of hope fleeting. when i was thinking about how not easy it is to be in pursuit of something so out of reach, it dawned on me that maybe this is a little like what Jesus feels like. while He is not messy himself, he sure loves a messy bunch of people. and he still passionately pursues us with all that he has. even when we mess up and make him sick with hurt. his love is surely not an easy love, as he went through the greatest torture to commit.

i am learning to expect that nothing in my own life worth loving will come without its fair share of challenges. “easy does it” has never been true…and that’s really not a bad thing.


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