Episode 1 of the OCF Podcast is finally ready for public consumption! This weeks episode features part one of a talk by executive director Fr. Kevin Scherer entitled “How to Survive College as a Christian.”
Download/subscribe here.
Strangest Political Video Ever
Tiff and I came across this video of Presidential candidate Mike Gravel a couple of weeks ago. Since then, we’ve gone back to it a couple of times just for laughs.
She says, “I just want to poke him and watch him tip over…like a cow!”
Taste of Spring
Man! What a beautiful day!
It’s 70°, the sun is shining bright, and a walk of any length anywhere on campus reveals people enjoying the day outside. There is a feeling of newness, of great opportunities ahead, and of a fresh joy that hasn’t been felt around here in a while.
I even left my iPod in my dorm room this morning so I could just take in the life around me on my way to biology. I’m so excited about the weather, I haven’t even needed caffeine today.
Sure…this is East Tennessee, and cold weather will be back in a couple of days (shhh…don’t tell anyone). But it’s just so beautiful right now that I had to share. 
There’s a song that I heard recently which speaks to this idea of newness and opportunity. Take a listen if you get the chance.
I Found Your Camera
Tiff and I came across this video via the Post Secret blog. It’s an interview with the owner of I Found Your Camera, a website dedicated to reuniting lost cameras with their rightful owners. This is a really cool idea. Spread this one around and help the cause.
Self Injury
Today—March 1, 2008—is Self Injury Awareness Day. As many of you know, the topic has struck a chord with me in the last year or so. And, now, it hits a little closer to home, as my girlfriend Tiffany is a recovering self injurer.
When we met this past September, she allowed me to read a cover letter made for a research project she did a couple of years ago in high school. I was very moved by it, and I continue to be. I thought it would be appropriate to share today, along with an update she wrote specifically for the blog. So, I guess I have a guest writer today.
Anyway, feel free to read, comment, or even share with others.
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November 30, 2005
Dear Reader,
What do you think of when you think of a twelve year old? Naïve? Pre-teen? Now say to yourself, cutter. That was the age I was when I picked up a piece of glass to “kill myself,” or so I said. I’d felt so many emotions building up and I exploded. I never thought for the next three-and-a-half years I’d fight an endless battle of “checking” the sharpness of a knife by running it along my arm; pricking with the tip; soon escalating to box cutters and razor blades doing more than pricking and “checking.”
In this paper I hope to show the truth of self-harm and to reveal the skin exposed and the scars that lie on them, the flaws. I want the lines of “attention-whore” and “they just want attention” to cease from people’s mouths.
Self-injurers are not weird, or depressed freaks, they’re not “emo” or “gothic.” They are friends, spouses, students, children, “significant others,” bosses and co-workers. They are people all around you; maybe the bubbly kid that sits in front, or the quiet one in the back, your sister or brother.
I am one of those teens. Though I am seven months free of cutting, it crosses my mind every single day. Three and a half years of my life were wasted on my “friend,” something that I thought could help cure all my problems, but was physically and mentally destroying my life. I hid my shame with long sleeves and late night tears. I cut, burned, pinched, hit my problems away. i did anything to help me ease my emotional pain the only way I thought I could.
I went through on and off stages for about a year. The summer I moved to Ohio changed all of that. I started up more and more, everyday, or every other day. I had eighty-four scars on me at one point. it helped me, even if I cried over it, and hit myself over it. It eased my pain of not having friends, my pain of not fitting in, of not making the grades my mother wanted. It eased my pain of my family dying, my pain of my ex-boyfriend ignoring me. It eased my pain of not being perfect.
Honestly, i don’t even know if I always want to stop at times. However, I did. i have, at least I hope. I stopped as a New year’s resolution for 2005, and failed on January 2nd. i started up again, and made it to April 25th, and then the 27th. I haven’t cut or burned since. I still have a horrid habit of subconsciously hitting my head on things, picking at a raised scar on my shoulder, pinching my wrists when I’m nervous, upset or in deep thought. i don’t know it until my boyfriend moves my hand away, or places his hand on my head. As of today, seven months and two days is my longest record since freshman year.
This letter is supposed to be about my essay, but my essay is not the raw parts of it. My paper is research; my interviews, my letter, and my poem are the raw parts. That is what I need people to see. I need them to see the emotion, the feelings, thoughts behind the labels, the pain and agony of stopping.
I need the truth to be let out. I need someone to understand. Someone that hasn’t been there.
Sincerely,
Tiffany Rachael O’Brien
UPDATE:
Wow. I wrote that ages ago.
I have no idea what to say right now, but when Jonathan asked if he could put this up, I decided…I want an update. So an update you shall get. Rambles, are more like it. :]
In a little less than two months, it will have been three years when I officially put myself through my own recovery. The moment I said to myself, I’m done, we’re gonna get better. Did I? I would like to think so. The most common question I get is why? The next is do you still do it?
I cannot answer the first. It just felt like the right thing to do. After that it was something I needed.
To the second:
No, it is not my first release. But it is something I struggle with everyday of my life. I struggle to get people to understand, not to pity or look down on…just understand. I struggle through the battle of not putting one more scar on my body, one more mark one more look of pain in the heart and eyes of loved ones.
I have fallen twice since 2005. TWICE. God, I’m so happy it is such a small number. I really am. May 23rd, and August 1st. I can’t be mad at myself, not when I worked so hard to get to where I am now.
I’m stronger. I try to support others, help them the best that I can. But I’m human and I make mistakes, but they make me who I am. I love my scars, I love my weak moments. I love them because they are what made me who I am. They are stories of hard times and I’m here to tell the ending.
But I’m still writing that story, so an update will just have to be suffice. The ending won’t be anytime soon. :]
I’m sure if there are comments or questions, Jonathan will show them to me. My book is open…I’ll give a reply to the best of my knowledge.
For now, take care.
Tiffany
My Strengths
As a part of being on the OCF Student Advisory Board, we were all given this book called StrengthsQuest. Within the book, there is a code to sign on to the SQ website and take a Strengths evaluator…or something of the sort. So, I took it, and this is what it says my top five strengths are, starting with number one.
I highly recommend buying this book and taking this test. Once you know your strengths, you can go through and find strategies for cultivating success with a focus on your individual strengths. It’s really, really cool. Order at the SQ website.
And, I’m really interested. So, I ask those who know me personally, whether very well or just fairly well: How accurate do you think this is?
Leave comments…
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Restorative
You love to solve problems. Whereas some are dismayed when they encounter yet another breakdown, you can be energized by it. You enjoy the challenge of analyzing the symptoms, identifying what is wrong, and finding the solution. You may prefer practical problems or conceptual ones or personal ones. You may seek out specific kinds of problems that you have met many times before and that you are confident you can fix. Or you may feel the greatest push when faced with complex and unfamiliar problems. Your exact preferences are determined by your other themes and experiences. But what is certain is that you enjoy bringing things back to life. It is a wonderful feeling to identify the undermining factor(s), eradicate them, and restore something to its true glory. Intuitively, you know that without your intervention, this thing—this machine, this technique, this person, this company—might have ceased to function. You fixed it, resuscitated it, rekindled its vitality. Phrasing it the way you might, you saved it.
Connectedness
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries.
Belief
If you possess a strong Belief theme, you have certain core values that are enduring. These values vary from one person to another, but ordinarily your Belief theme causes you to be family-oriented, altruistic, even spiritual, and to value responsibility and high ethics—both in yourself and others. These core values affect your behavior in many ways. They give your life meaning and satisfaction; in your view, success is more than money and prestige. They provide you with direction, guiding you through the temptations and distractions of life toward a consistent set of priorities. This consistency is the foundation for all your relationships. Your friends call you dependable. “I know where you stand,” they say. Your Belief makes you easy to trust. It also demands that you find work that meshes with your values. Your work must be meaningful; it must matter to you. And guided by your Belief theme it will matter only if it gives you a chance to live out your values.
Developer
You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. And all the while you are on the lookout for the signs of growth—a new behavior learned or modified, a slight improvement in a skill, a glimpse of excellence or of “flow” where previously there were only halting steps. For you these small increments—invisible to some—are clear signs of potential being realized. These signs of growth in others are your fuel. They bring you strength and satisfaction. Over time many will seek you out for help and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you.
Positivity
You are generous with praise, quick to smile, and always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. Some call you lighthearted. Others just wish that their glass were as full as yours seems to be. But either way, people want to be around you. Their world looks better around you because your enthusiasm is contagious. Lacking your energy and optimism, some find their world drab with repetition or, worse, heavy with pressure. You seem to find a way to lighten their spirit. You inject drama into every project. You celebrate every achievement. You find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital. Some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. Your Positivity won’t allow it. Somehow you can’t quite escape your conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, and that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one’s sense of humor.
Shocking and Sad News
Back in December, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dn. Nicholas Belcher, the keynote speaker at the 2007 OCF College Conference. This was done right before he had to leave with his wife Sonia and their four-month-old son to visit the grandparents in WV to give them their first in-the-flesh encounter with baby Andrew. As we got closer to wrapping, Sonia looked very impatient and worried that they wouldn’t get out in decent time. All the while, she bore the look and the personality of kindness. It left me wishing that there had been more time so I could introduce myself properly and get to know her more than that one moment.
I remain wishing. And I will remain so, sadly.
Last Wednesday night, Sonia Daly-Belcher suffered a pulmonary embolism that resulted in her death. This is news that affects many people—OCFers, SAB, and a few of the graduates from St. Vladimir’s Orthodox Theological Seminary in New York, where Dn. Nicholas graduated in the class of 2003 (I believe). Not to mention countless friends, family, acquaintances, and untold numbers of campers from Orthodox summer camps, where Dn. Nick is known to love dedicating time in service. Plus, students from Holy Cross Hellenic College in Brookline, MA, where Dn. Nicholas works in the office of vocation.
Pray for the Belcher family and for the repose of the handmaiden of God Sonia. May her memory be eternal!
And if ANYONE is interested in making donations of any size to a fund that has been established for baby Andrew, you may contact me here and I’ll be happy to provide that information.
Extra Lettuce
I finally did it.
About 7-or-so months ago, I began wondering if I needed another space on the Intertubes to be a repository for the random things I want to comment on or share that, somehow, just don’t fit here at twelve:one.
You can now find this place at geekymusic.tumblr.com. It’s called “The Extra Lettuce,” and it’s what’s known as a Tumblelog. Follow along or just check in sometime…you never know what you might find.
And credit goes to my friend Dn. Kyrill for the blog’s title. It just fit so perfectly that I had to steal it.
We Are a Revolution
I was there. I was in on the revolution from the start. Take a minute to see through the eyes of my good friend (and fellow Student Advisory Board member) Christina as she explains…
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We are a revolution. Five months ago, these were the words spoken by Christine to inspire us to allow the ministry of OCF to change our lives—to raise our expectations for ourselves and our future. Her words fired up joy and excitement in our hearts that we carried home with us for months. Later, though, we found that some felt as if the idea of a “revolution” was contradictory to our Orthodox way of thinking, but I believe we all knew that these words were not spoken with malice or negative intent, and I hope that I have captured in what follows at least a portion of the truth we felt about our revolution.
The word revolution conveys multiple connotations: in the context of revolt, we think of it as a change in structures—a move toward positive ideals to better a community. In this way, we—OCF—are a revolution of campus ministries. Across the continent, we are in the process of changing the way Christian ministry exists in the forum of pluralistic, secular education. We are there to make known the Church of our Fathers, the Church our Lord established over 2,000 years ago. We are there to promote not only good moral values and knowledge of the Faith, but more importantly the Love of Jesus Christ in all men’s lives. We can choose to be like other college ministry groups that approach Christianity too often with missing pieces, or we can bring fullness to the hearts of young people who are desperately seeking for a single, unmoving Truth.
And within our own ranks, OCF can strive to be the beginnings of a stronger, better structure of Orthodoxy in America. By the Grace of God, we can bring together people from all backgrounds in one Baptism, in one creed, and in one Lord. We can work side-by-side in earnestness and love across jurisdictional lines to achieve an ever-needed peace and understanding within the Church. In this way, we are a revolution against the ways in which we ourselves have broken the communion established for us by the Church.
A revolution can also be a war—a revolt against some ruling power. For us, this is not a new battle we are fighting—we are rebels against the world and its demonic ruler, as were the apostles, the saints, the martyrs. We are called to be warriors in the army of the Lord of Hosts—members of the Church Militant. Our battlefield is abstract and our enemies are not always apparent, but we must put on the armor of God and fight the righteous fight. We must be revolutionaries of the flesh—allowing God to work in us and through us to bring transformation to the fallen Creation.
But most importantly, a revolution expresses a turning around. For us, it is the path to salvation—the road of repentance. It is our dire need to fall down before Christ with tears of repentance, knowing who we are, and begging for forgiveness. And in this moment we realize, we are not a revolution. We are not the changing force; we are not the real Soldier. In fact, we find that we are the battlefield and even sometimes the enemy. And while all that we do through OCF and through our own lives may someday produce beautiful fruit, we will have done nothing of significance—it is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who truly transforms and glorifies. In our most honest moments, we realize that He is the revolution. He is our revolution.
Meet James Ensor
They Might Be Giants has to be one of my favorite groups. And this has to be one of my favorite songs of theirs.
